Survival of the Fittest: Black Friday

Vannia Duarte Camacho, Reporter

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As the month of November settles in, many have their minds on one very important holiday, and not the one with turkey.

Black Friday is a day of waking up at the crack of dawn to sleep outside of a store, trample and fight people for cheap sales, and blow all their year’s savings in four hours.

Only in America do they have a day dedicated to giving thanks and being grateful for all they have, only to follow it up by an excuse to purge their paychecks to hoard all the stuff they wish they had.

Black Friday is one of the most exhausting times of the year.

Not only do people have to wait outside in lines longer than the average lifespan just to get into the stores that feel like packed tuna, but the hours of walking around the store just to find the right pair of jeans are only going to be worn twice is murder on one’s feet.

Despite all this, it is also a great source of entertainment for all involved. Where else can someone find middle aged moms fighting each other to the death for the last pair of onesies for their kids?

Because of this, Black Friday is hard to survive. Death is almost inevitable if one doesn’t come prepared.
That is why it’s best to devise a plan to come out alive and successful.

Step 1: Hit the gym beforehand. Walking around for a long time is a huge part of the experience and those pounds people gained at dinner the night before is not going to work in their favor.

Having a large amount of stamina already puts one ahead of their fellow shoppers.

Step 2: Take self-defense and combat classes. One never knows when they have to cut or shank a person to get the last pair of shoes in their size or that toy their kid won’t shut up about.

Having some sort of training will ensure they snag the best deals.

Step 3: Walk to the stores and leave the car. Sure, this may be time consuming and very annoying to carry those goods, but it’s all worth it to avoid waiting for three hours to find a parking space or for that one grandma to move her car.

Step 4: Make a list on what are priorities to purchase. There are a lot of things on sale but knowing what one wants will save them time and help budget out their money when they are picking out stuff.

Step 5: Have an ambulance and loved ones on speed dial. Black Friday is a dangerous time of year and there is no guarantee that everyone will make it out alive, even with these precautions.

Desperate shoppers are the most dangerous animals on the planet.

And finally, Step 6: Just don’t go. The best and most effective way to survive Black Friday shopping is by just not going.

Instead, take advantage of the digital age and shop online.

Save money by taking advantage of Cyber Monday and save a few trips to the emergency room by sitting at the computer on Black Friday.